Love, it’s a fickle thing. You fall in love and then all of a sudden you two break up. What’s the reason why you two broke up in the first place? Was it because he or she cheated? Were they wrong one? It’s hard to say. Even though you two broke up, you are still undeniably in love with that person. When someone experiences love on a deeper level, it’s hard to let go. But it is inevitable, you knew that they had to leave your life. They might not have been the right person. And you know that, but you are still constantly thinking about them. Thinking about calling them. Thinking about maybe you could settle for that person.
I know. I’ve been there.
I fell in love with a friend and ultimately it went to hell.
*For the sake of the story, I’m going to change his name. His age will stay true.
I was 21 years old at the time and working at a local hospital in Missouri. I had several friends who worked with me, but they worked in different departments. A friend of mine, *Chad, worked there as a nurse in the Emergency Room. I can definitely say that he is a hard worker and compassionate about his patients. But when it comes to dating, he is a whole other story. You see, *Chad, is a single dad to a beautiful preteen child. On top of that, while I was 21, he was 41. Yes, he is 20 years older than me. Don’t judge. Anyways, on my 22nd birthday during November 2013, he came up to me and ask me out on a date and gave me a kiss. I thought he was a complete dork and didn’t think much of it. I didn’t think that we would really make it past a few days. But out of nowhere, I fell head over heels for him. He was the first guy that I had fallen truly in love with. The first guy that had made my heart stop and put butterflies in my stomach. But for some unknown reason, I knew he wasn’t the one that I would end up with. For one, he kept teasing about us getting married and on top of that, there were things that I truly wanted that he didn’t. Plus, he would try to change me.
Suddenly it was January 2014 and I was walking the halls with another co-worker, we had to go to get a patient. As we walked down one of the halls, we saw a couple making out. It’s pretty common in hospital staff to do that. And I recognized the girl, but didn’t recognize the guy at first. Then he pulled away and I saw his face. It was *Chad. He was making out with this girl. My heart sank and rage filled my mind. My co-worker had to pull me down the hall before I did anything rash. We broke up due to that incident. And I’m glad we did.
But for months, and I mean several months. I recently just got over this whole ordeal. I had tried to go on blind dates but I didn’t like any of the guys. I did date a guy, but he wasn’t being honest and he broke up with me after only dating two weeks after finding a different woman. I was a little heartbroken, but not as devastated as I was with the whole *Chad incident.
Just this past week, something hit me. My heart began to heal and my mind started to clear up. I knew that he wasn’t the right one for me, and I had let things run its course. Things do happen for a reason. I am happier now. I have no need to want to call him. I have no need to call his friends or family. I’ve cut all ties and my heart is healing finally.
In this whole situation, I have learned a few things. When you know something isn’t right, leave it. Don’t wait for the inevitable heartbreak. Another thing I had learned is that you will cry. You will cry a lot. And by a lot, I mean, there will be times where you will cry yourself to sleep just to deal with the pain.
So here comes the things to do to find the one that you want to be with:
1. Find love within yourself.
You need to heal yourself. You need to love yourself. Work on yourself. Find peace within yourself.
2. Create a shopping list.
For this one, I had talked to a few friends. They had created their own shopping lists. What you want in a partner, what you don’t want. Be realistic. But you can also be a little idealistic. Balance is the key when creating the list. Set standards. Don’t settle for less.
3. Have faith.
Yes, after losing the one that you had fallen madly in love with you are going to start losing faith. You will even question God at this point. I’ve been there. But now, I have faith in the fact that I will find someone.
4. Feel the next few dates.
Don’t go for any rebounds. That’s not healthy. Be completely honest. State what kind of relationship what you want. Ask them questions. If they don’t answer something the way you don’t like, then onto the next person. Keep in mind, don’t be too cynical.
Yes, getting back at there seems scary. But once you have healed, it will be time to get back out there.
You will find love again. Trust me, you will. Just have faith and let things run its course.