I’m the girl next door.
I’m the shy man in the office.
I’m the little kid on the playground.
I have no specific face,
Nor a specific race.
But if you lift up my clothes you will see what I want to be unseen.
Bruised and battered.
Voiceless and feeling alone.
I feel as though there is no where to go.
I wish someone could help me.
But I feel I might be judged.
Men will laugh if they find out a woman beat me up.
The cops will put me in a woman’s shelter.
Child service protection will take me away from the pain that is afflicted.
No more hitting.
No more bruises.
Listen to our silent screams,
And please don’t ignore us.
We desperately want out.
But afraid to make a sound.
Won’t someone step up,
And protect us?
Matthew 7:1 says, “Do not judge.”
Yet the whole world sees what you are doing.
You either say it face to face,
Or you hide behind your computer’s screen to stay hidden.
Judging and destroying humanity bit by bit,
You think you are helping but the truth is your not.
You judge the gay couple next door,
You criticize the tattoos on my body.
You wonder why I have little patience with you.
Confused and irritated,
Not understanding why you don’t welcome others with open arms.
You wonder why I refuse to talk to you anymore.
No one is perfect, not even me,
But at least I know God doesn’t want all of this hypocrisy.
Stop wasting your time,
Stop judging others.
You are not God’s greatest gift,
You are like the rest of us who live with trials and regrets.
If you want the peace to happen then man up.
I’ve already stepped up,
Are you ready to do the same?
Are you okay? What’s wrong?
Those are the most common questions that I receive on a daily basis. Trust me, it gets extremely annoying and irritating very fast. But the only reason why I receive these questions is due to the fact that I deal with bipolar. I’ve been dealing with bipolar since I was a child. My parents told me that I was a good shy quiet kid for the most part, but I would go from high on energy to depressed and staying in my room to fits of rage. They never knew why I constantly went through all of that. They never knew what to expect from me. I, myself, didn’t understand why I acted like that and for the most part, I don’t remember most events that occurred. Which worries me a little bit. But as I got into middle school, my parents were told by a school psychiatrist that I was bipolar. And that helped me and them to understand what was going on. Throughout the beginning of high school, I was frequently depressed and dealt with body issues and bullies which led me to cutting myself. A friend of mine helped me through my body issues, and she is still a friend of mine. She taught me to love myself and taught me how to have a healthy relationship with food. Which I am grateful that she did.
But the depression never stopped. In fact, I was becoming more and more depressed. Being bullied all the time was not fun at all. I hid it when I was around my friends and family. I hid the cuts on my arms, until someone had saw them one day and I had gone into therapy for it. I had weekly appointments with the school psychiatrist to cope with everything. When I had switched different schools, I still dealt with the scars of my depression, but hid it. I managed to make friends at my new school and joined sports. For the first time, things were starting to look bright. And I was happy.
To this day, I still battle my bipolar disorder. But I have learned to live with it. I have learned to take a step back and slow down, that way it doesn’t run my life. I know a few people who have dealt with being bipolar, and they are long gone. I miss them everyday, but I know that they are in a better place. They had let their bipolar disorder destroy them and they never sought out for help. I would just like to say this, if you deal with being bipolar, don’t be afraid to reach out for help. You won’t be seen as weak.
This post was extremely hard for me to write. I contemplated for a long time, and realized that a lot of people deal with being bipolar, and I want to show them that it is better to get help and that they are loved.
(Turkey burger with sweet potato fries at Rock and Brews in Albuquerque)
Recently, within this past month, I began to get sick. I was dragging myself around and looking paler. Now keep in mind, I was a pescatarian, form of vegetarianism. And that was giving me protein, but not the protein that I really needed. My brother, who knows that I am am animals activist, told me that I need to just add poultry in my lifestyle, that way I can get the correct amount of protein in my body. I thought about it and realized that I did need a better source of protein in my intake. So what I did was slowly reintroduce myself with poultry. I began slowly, and started to feel better and stronger.
It has been a few weeks and I have managed to heal my body better. I still don’t eat pork or red meat, for many reasons. However, I only eat seafood and poultry, along with many delicious vegetables. My body feels better. I don’t look so much like a vampire anymore, although it is kind of genetic to have fair skin in my family. And I am not dragging around anymore.
I am still an animals activist, helping animals who are endangered to stay safe. But I still manage to eat seafood and poultry, to maintain my health. I just make sure that there are no chemicals and all organic, and make sure that they went peacefully in a humane way. I care both about my health and care about the animal kingdom, I just need to nourish myself correctly in order to protect those in need.
The full moon is shining up above,
Creating an ominous feeling throughout the night sky.
Tickling the darkness that lurks in the shadows,
Teasing it and hoping the darkness will come out and play.
As I stand here on the sidewalk,
I can see shadows lurk in the darkness.
Not human shadows,
Something more deadly.
I can’t put my finger on it,
But I think I know who might be in the shadows.
Crossing the road to the other side,
I hear light cackles whispering into the sky.
A hand reaches out for mine.
No hesitation, not a second thought,
I take hold of the hand and suddenly we are off.
Whisked into the air, high above the trees,
I hear another cackle;
But it’s coming from me.
I realize I am with my coven of sisters.
And we are high in the sky.
We are not the witches you’ve heard of.
No eating of children,
Nor bats wings in our cauldrons.
We lurk in the darkness and dispose those who are evil.
We do not want evil, not on all Hallows Eve,
For we send the evil back to Satan.
On this gloomy foggy morning I stand in the pastures,
Breathing in the air and taking in the silence.
‘Tis a fate worse than death to lose my conscience.
For there is never a moment,
Not a second to breathe.
I feel at any second I might lose my footing.
I might lose my mind if I do not escape this life.
This life I live is not mine.
I’m just a character in a book,
In which you must decipher between each line.
My mind races,
But I can’t start.
Not just yet.
Looking for a sign,
Any sign to help me.
When suddenly, I see a flock of crows flying above me.
They swoop down,
Trying to pick me up.
But alas, I’m too heavy for them.
My mind stops thinking.
My heart finally gives in.
I’m ready to take flight,
And leave this story for good.
I run with the crows flying above,
And I take a big jump.
I feel myself flying.
I notice the crows have caught me.
They are taking me away from this story,
To be the character I’m suppose to be in another fairytale ending.
Around your little neck a locket dangles next to your heart,
Letting you know that I will always be near.
At night you clutch the locket in your hands,
While you cry out in pain.
You think that things will never be the same.
But you are forgetting one thing my dear,
I told you something that you should remember.
I will always be close to your heart.
It may be hard at night.
But one glance at the stars and you will see me watching over you.
You will feel my warm hug embrace you,
And you will cry just a little.
But if you look where the locket hangs,
You will remember that I will always close to your heart.
No matter where you go,
No matter how long time has passed;
I will be right beside you on your journey through life.