Are you okay? What’s wrong?
Those are the most common questions that I receive on a daily basis. Trust me, it gets extremely annoying and irritating very fast. But the only reason why I receive these questions is due to the fact that I deal with bipolar. I’ve been dealing with bipolar since I was a child. My parents told me that I was a good shy quiet kid for the most part, but I would go from high on energy to depressed and staying in my room to fits of rage. They never knew why I constantly went through all of that. They never knew what to expect from me. I, myself, didn’t understand why I acted like that and for the most part, I don’t remember most events that occurred. Which worries me a little bit. But as I got into middle school, my parents were told by a school psychiatrist that I was bipolar. And that helped me and them to understand what was going on. Throughout the beginning of high school, I was frequently depressed and dealt with body issues and bullies which led me to cutting myself. A friend of mine helped me through my body issues, and she is still a friend of mine. She taught me to love myself and taught me how to have a healthy relationship with food. Which I am grateful that she did.
But the depression never stopped. In fact, I was becoming more and more depressed. Being bullied all the time was not fun at all. I hid it when I was around my friends and family. I hid the cuts on my arms, until someone had saw them one day and I had gone into therapy for it. I had weekly appointments with the school psychiatrist to cope with everything. When I had switched different schools, I still dealt with the scars of my depression, but hid it. I managed to make friends at my new school and joined sports. For the first time, things were starting to look bright. And I was happy.
To this day, I still battle my bipolar disorder. But I have learned to live with it. I have learned to take a step back and slow down, that way it doesn’t run my life. I know a few people who have dealt with being bipolar, and they are long gone. I miss them everyday, but I know that they are in a better place. They had let their bipolar disorder destroy them and they never sought out for help. I would just like to say this, if you deal with being bipolar, don’t be afraid to reach out for help. You won’t be seen as weak.
This post was extremely hard for me to write. I contemplated for a long time, and realized that a lot of people deal with being bipolar, and I want to show them that it is better to get help and that they are loved.