“Your friendship can’t satisfy me, Anne. I want your love. ” Gilbert Blythe (Anne of Green Gables )
When I was nine years old, I picked up the first Anne of Green Gables book and began to read it. I fell in love with all of the characters, and saw a lot of myself in the main character, Anne Shirley. Despite our physical differences and me being more introverted, I felt that the character and I were one. As I continued to read the entire series, I started to really like Gilbert Blythe, Anne’s love interest. His compassionate heart, lively soul, spunk, humor, intellect, and overall character. All I can say is that Lucy Maud Montgomery wrote this character very well.
Gilbert Blythe and many other male characters from other books (Colonel Brandon, John Rochester, Mr. Darcy) had given me high standards for finding the one true love for me. And when I had begun dating, it seemed like I was on a mission of some sort to find my own “Gilbert Blythe ” or “Colonel Brandon”. And trust me, high school was rough enough with the bullies, but the dating scene was rough as well. Guys cheated on me left and right, because I wouldn’t put out. College rolled around and I dated, but just like in high school, they all cheated. I didn’t know why, I was no longer a virgin (lost it at 20 years old ), but I still didn’t put out no matter who I was dating.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago, at the age of twenty four years old and suddenly had an epiphany of what had been going on my entire dating life. Even though I was attracted to a specific type of guy, I saw these guys that I had dated as “lost and broken”. I wanted to fix them. Awh, the bad boy dilemma. It happens to nearly everyone. Regardless of a person being gay, straight or lesbian. You see the “bad boy or girl” persona and want to fix them, thinking you can turn them into the person you wish to be with. And you know you can’t, but you try and you try.
After I had this epiphany, I began to write in my journal (yes, I’m in my mid 20’s, but it helps me) and started to realize that I had steered off the path in middle school. Even though I had been reading those classic novels, and still had major crushes on the literary characters of my childhood, I wanted to fix those bad boys. I finally found myself again in my love life. I finally saw in my own handwriting what I wanted in a man who I would call my life long partner, lover, best friend. And saw that I still upheld the characteristics and personality traits that I looked for as a kid. But I also saw that my tastes in outward appearance changed. Still the rugged with a trimmed beard, hands on, and tattoo’s stayed the same, but a sense of simple outdoors fashion added (and I guess what you call Indie thrown in). I noticed that I had written “courtship” in my journal. Still old fashioned, not a lot of people do that, but I like the idea of being courted before dating to see if it is worth pursuing a relationship with a person. It might seem silly to most of my readers, but I’ve always fancied it. I know a guy friend who courted his now husband before dating and they’ve been together for more than thirty years and more in love each day.
The ways of the heart is complicated; we don’t know why we have a specific type, why we want to fix the bad boy or girl, or why we have a set of standards for ourselves. But the heart wants what the heart wants, and it’s best to follow it. Even if for a time where we must try to “fix” others, before getting back on track.