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Art in the Dark

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(To the End – Me)

The way I see it, is that the heart, the soul and the mind constantly fight each other. This in turn makes everything more difficult. The brain wishes to overrun everything, though when this happens a war begins. When the heart wishes to run the entire system, then heartbreaks occur more than average. When the soul wishes to be the front force and be the leader and forget everything else, then the human being is confused and has no clue as to what is occurring. Sometimes, when all of this happens, it means there are a lot of wars happening inside the person. These wars bring about pain, they bring about sorrow and they bring about the misery inside. When this happens, depression sets in. Depression has never been a friend to anyone, even to me. Depression is one of the mental illnesses that is not to be tossed aside due to the fact that depression can easily destroy a person in a instant.
When the depression has set in, there is a feeling of emptiness that surrounds the person, internally and externally. Then there is a motion of feeling heavy. This heaviness sits on the chest, making you feel like you are caring the weight of the world on your chest. Your eyes begin to get heavy, you want to fight it but no matter what your eyelids will close and all you will see is darkness. The darkness takes over and everything will become surreal. So surreal to the point that you think that you are high on acid or you are drunk from hard liquor. All the pain you feel externally, invades you internally and then you have been taken over by the depression.
Pain is inevitable, everyone feels it from time to time. Especially when you lose a loved one, when your heart breaks, or when you break a bone. But the pain that comes along with depression is a different type of pain. I’m not saying that is trumps over all of the other pain, but the pain that comes along with depression makes you feel worthless, makes you feel like you are unable to do something. But inside that pain, there is a light. That light helps you crawl through the pain in the dark deprecating world that depression swallows you in. The light helps a person create art in a whole new way, in ways that most would never have thought of.
Depression has been an ally and an enemy my entire life. Medication that the physicians try to prescribe me do not work, on top of that, they make it worse. Therapy is not a source that I enjoy using because I feel like I am a burden and feel like I am wasting the therapists time by divulging my pain, my fears, and anger upon them. Instead I run to art. Writing and abstract-minimalism painting art are my ways to take aggression and pain out on. Most of my paintings and also my poems hold how I feel inside, they are the places where I can finally let myself go and try to heal myself for the most part. If you do suffer from depression just as I do, then go see your physician, therapist or someone who can help you. Medication may not be for you, but in the end, there are other ways to help you through the pain, it might even be through art.

2 thoughts on “Art in the Dark

  1. I felt like I was reading about myself! Wow the way you worded everything – I honestly thought “that is me”! What is even more intense is the fact I was recently asked to do a painting after someone read a poem of mine. I’ve never painted in my life but always wanted to. I can’t draw a stick figure to save my life and I thought you had to be able to draw in order to paint. I’m thinking about trying this. You just inspired me more than you will ever know. Keep up the amazing work! Thank you for sharing!! Lots of love, Val 💚

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    1. Val- I don’t even know what to say, I’m beyond speechless. Very humbled to know that I have inspired you to take up painting. Quite honestly, you made me cry, don’t worry they are tears of joy. But you don’t have to be able to draw stick figures in order to draw. Painting is a whole other medium that is waiting for you to explore it, so dive in and find yourself in the world of painters. Personally, I don’t think I am all that great at painting (see painting in article), but it helps me cope with a lot of the pain and I can make it through the next day. You can paint, if you even have the slightest imagination, you can create anything in the world. Keep me updated! Lots of love, Loni

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