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All Over the Map (Poem)

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I left my soul in pieces around the world,
from the mountains of Alaska
in the deserts of Arizona,
in the misty mornings of Ireland.

I left my heart on the beach in California,
on the stops the memorial in D.C.,
on the train going south
without ever looking back.

I left my inner being in each corner of the world,
and I would never ask for it back,
why would I?
When I know that I was meant to be scattered
all over the map.

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Go (Poem)

 

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Don’t take life so seriously,
Grab your backpack
and run down those halls,
run down to the train station,
to the airport and go.

Go somewhere new,
Go somewhere that you have never been before,
Go somewhere that you have always dreamt of,
because it doesn’t matter how many china sets you own,
or fancy cars in your garage,
all that matters are the memories and adventures
that you create in your life.
So, go.

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Before The Sun Rises(Poem)

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It doesn’t matter how bright the moon shines,
you still linger,
linger in my memories,
desperately trying to drown me.

My only sorrow is that I have yet to
make a friend out of you,
and I don’t know what to do,
I need to know how to make amends
with the monsters in my head,
before the sun rises for another day.

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The Safe Haven: Where Social Anxiety Cannot Reach Us

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Away from the civilized society, away from the sounds of the bustling city streets, and cars honking continuously, away from the mass crowds of human souls; this is where those like us with anxiety retreat. We retreat into our own habitat, into our homes, locked away, or out into nature where no one can reach us, and where all of our anxieties have disappeared for the time being. It is something that we have been known to do.

It is hard to determine what actually causes anxiety because for each person it is different. It can be caused by traumatic childhood memories, or it could be just a part of their personality. Mine is more along the lines of being part of my personality, and also part of what I had gone through while growing up in a town that looked down on me. And to this day, my anxiety can get pretty rough, but there are days where I can handle it very well, then there are days where I cannot handle it.

For those who do not live with social anxiety (which is what I have), here is an example of a situation in my everyday life: I am at a function (book reading, work, or even a get-together with co-workers, etc.) and on the outside, I seem happy and cheery, however, my voice slightly shakes just as my hands, and my mind is racing a thousand miles an hour, trying to look for an exit. Sometimes those around me, who know about this, will check on me and will say something to calm my anxiety or just make me laugh. And I am grateful for when they do that. However, there are times where I cannot handle it and there are times where even someone with good intentions will be unable to calm me down. Another example: At work, the phones are constantly ringing, and I talk to a lot of people throughout the day. While on the outside I seem okay, and somewhat normal, on the inside my heart is racing, and the thought of answering the phone makes my chest tighten.

On the days where I or anyone else out there that also lives with anxiety gets to the point of being unable to handle our anxiety, we retreat. In the first paragraph, I had described that we retreat to our homes or into nature, and that is very much true. Like everything else in life, everyone is different, and how and where we retreat will be completely different. One person will retreat into nature and just go camping for a few days, another will just stay inside on a weekend and not talk to anyone.

I have done both of these, however, for the most part, I end up staying at home, where I can stay in bed or chill out in a different part of the house with a puzzle, a book, movie, or music. I will wear my pajamas, dance like a fool, or just focus on a puzzle for hours, enjoying the silence, enjoying the fact that my anxiety has been put to sleep, at least until I venture outside and be surrounded by a lot of people. Throughout the years I have learned to manage my anxiety, and sometimes it does get the best of me, however, I have learned to embrace the chaotic part of my mind that makes me want to turn on my heels and run for the hills, thus making my life with social anxiety somewhat easier.

Do you have social anxiety? Do you have a different type of anxiety? If so, how do you cope with it? How do you retreat?

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Leap (Poem)

It is always nothing
yet it is everything,
the stillness in the sadness leaps forward
trying to capture me as I fall slowly
as everybody becomes blurry
and I become nothing but a distant memory.

The area is completely clear
showcasing the distant stars to the right
and jagged rocks to the left,
making me wonder which side I’ll jump,
which side will welcome my presence.

Never know until I take the leap,
Never know until I move my feet,
here it goes,
here I go into the unknown.

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Wild (Poem)

Curly hair that flows so freely,
as the sun dances upon her skin
kissing it ever so gently
as her soul and heart fly with the wind.

Her heart and soul jump on the waves of the wind
letting it take her where she is needed at that moment in time,
for she is no mere mortal
for she is a daughter of the wind,
daughter of the earth,
daughter of the sea,
she is meant to be wild
not grounded to the pavement with her two feet.

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Slipped Away (Poem)

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