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It Starts With Us: Parents Talking to Their Children to Stop Bullying

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“You’re not thin enough”, “You look weird”, “Why are you even here? You should die”, these phrases are just a few of the phrases that are being thrown around in the schoolyards, in the classrooms, and I kid you not, at work as well. And believe it or not, there are even some worse phrases that will not be mentioned in this post. Why? Because they are horrifying and should never be said to another human being, or any being for that matter.

Now, I am not a parent, well, I am a fur-mama, but I do not have any human children at the moment. However, I do have nieces and nephews, and they are the light of my world, and right now they are very young, very impressionable, and can sense when things are not right. And I know that they are the perfect target for bullying. Hell, every child, teenager, and adult is a perfect target for being bullied. I know this. I’ve lived through most of my life of being bullied. Bullied by classmates, by teachers (yes, that does happen), and even bullied by co-workers, and it is not something I would want another person to endure.

Recently, I found out that a friend of mine’s son was bullied. Bullied to the point that he was sent to the hospital with a broken nose, several broken ribs, and bruises all up and down his body. Do you know how angry this made his father feel? How his mother felt? Hell, when I heard what happened I got so mad to the point that I nearly broke a counter. Yes, I got that mad. But where does this anger get placed? On the school system? Absolutely, the school is responsible for the children while they are at school, and under their supervision. On the children themselves? Of course, they are supposed to know what is right from wrong. On ourselves? Yes, a million times yes it is, the anger should weigh heavily on us adults. Why should we be angry with ourselves? Because we are the adults here, we are supposed to show our children how to behave, how to treat one another and to show them that they are not supposed to bully and assault others. As the adults we are supposed to set an example for them, to show them that two beings can be in the same room without violating the other. We are not supposed to set a bad example to them about how to start a fight, how to mistreat a girl or a boy. We are the adults here, it is our job.

Yes, there are pep rallies every year in most schools that bring awareness to the subject at hand, but do they really make an impact? No, not really. Growing up I went to several of those rallies, and do you know what still occurred. The bullying still occurred. Don’t get me wrong, I think the rallies are great, but they do not actually do much help when it comes to telling children to stop bullying, to stop assaulting their classmates, or anyone they meet in life.

It all starts at home, with the parents. As parents, we are supposed to set examples, good examples of how to treat others, and it is the way you mistreat others, say unkind and horrible things about another person is what the children are seeing more of. I know this to be true. I know a lady who is in her early 40’s and she treats others like crap, she mistreats them, bullies them, steals their energy, and makes others feel like garbage. And time and time again her children have witnessed this, and time and time again I have to remind her that they are watching her every move, every word that she says, and they are more than likely going to mimic her as they grow up. And that is what happens. Children mimic their parents, they mimic the way we talk to each other, how we treat each other. And if they are seeing that we are mistreating each other, then they are going to assume that it is completely normal, that it is okay to bully and assault each other.

So, parents this on us. We need to be setting a good example for the children, and show them how two human beings can get along, and show them how to treat others. Have a long conversation, or two, or three. It doesn’t matter how many conversations you have with your children, the only thing that does matter is that you talk with them and that you set yourself as a good example. Because if we don’t do anything about this, then more and more boys and girls will end up in hospitals due to broken ribs, led to anorexia or bulimia, or even led to the final blow of a gun from being bullied.

80/20 rule · abstract · activist · advice · anorexia · body image · body imaging · bulimia · Certified Mind Body Fitness Coach · eating healthy · eating styles · food · healing · healthy · Healthy Lifestyles · Mind Body Fitness Coach · simple eating · simplify life

80/20 Lifestyle

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** I would like to preface this, before you ever start trying to lose weight, you must remember that you are already beautiful the way you are and you must develop a healthy relationship with yourself and with your body. If you are wanting to lose weight due to a recent medical diagnosis, please seek advice not only from me but also from your local nutritionist as well. **

Time and time again I see a lot of people trying to lose weight, and these people want to lose weight quickly, as if a miracle will happen over night with the help of whatever fad diet that they have chosen. Then I see other people just barely eating nothing in order to lose the weight, which in turn makes their body system shut down and begin to starve and feast on whatever fat content that is stored. Fad diets and eating very little are very unhealthy and should not be approached at all. In fact, there have been many studies on all of the fad diets out there (especially with the ones that requires you to take pills), that show the consequences of what could potentially happen to your body if you were to go down this path. During the summer of 2015, a young lady from the United Kingdom named Eloise (may she rest in peace) passed away after taking diet pills that were jam packed with high chemical toxins. This unfortunate event had taken a young lady from her family and friends, from living healthy, from ever getting married or having children, and it certainly took her away from the fact that she would never be able to pursue her passions and dreams.

We live in a society where we are constantly bombarded by the media and the rest of society to feel like we need to have a specific body shape and be at a certain weight just be “hot”, and quite honestly it sickens me. We live in a messed up society and no one should be feeling like they need to lose weight in such a drastic way, that it leads them to death. On top of that, Adolphe Quetelet (mathematician and astronomer) who had created the Body Mass Index has been quoted several times to thousands of people that you must be “this many pounds” for your height. Which in all honesty is inaccurate. This is due to the fact that Body Mass Index does not take everything into consideration. Each person is different, especially when it comes to their bodies. You have to take into consideration how tall you are, your organs, whether you are ovulating or on your period (ladies), what you have just eaten, also the bone density.

Now, there is a healthier way of losing the weight that you are wanting to lose, and it is called the 80/20 rule. I actually live with this rule, and personally I  think it is fantastic. The 80/20 rule is summed up to this: you eat healthy 80% of the time, and you indulge 20% of the time. So you can enjoy that lean meat with roasted vegetables, and also have a slice of that tiramisu that you have had your eyes on. This is the best of both worlds, because you are balancing your body with the nutrients you desperately need, while also enjoying a little sinful delight. Eating in the 80/20 manner, while adding exercise will ultimately help you lose the weight. Keep in mind, when you start getting healthier and wanting to lose weight, it will take time. It will not happen miraculously over night, and it will not happen with a snap of the fingers.

Personally I don’t like to call it a rule, but that is what it is known as, however I call it a lifestyle. This lifestyle is suited for everyone on this planet. And it is a lot healthier and a lot safer to do, then to shove diet pills down your throat and hope for the best. As a Certified Mind Body Fitness Coach, I highly recommend this. If by some chance you are a little unsure about how to go about it, and would like more information, do not hesitate to get a hold of me.

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Love Your Body

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By grade 7, most young boys and girls have found cosmopolitan magazines, maxim, playboy, or any other magazine that you can think of that has models spread out everywhere and showcasing their bodies to the world. By grade 10, more than 40% of the student body has begun a diet. Whether it be some fad diet like Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem, Atkins, or the “only an apple and some crackers” diet. Teenage girls try to look a Victoria’s Secret model and the teenage boys try to beef up and try to look like a Zac Efron or like Marky Mark (Mark Wahlberg for those who didn’t grow up in the 90’s). Why? The reason is due to the fact that society is telling them that in order to have the “perfect” body, they need to look like someone that is on steroids, I am not saying that either Mark or Zac take steroids, I am just pointing out that is what they look like.

Right now, there is some teenage sixteen year old girl in the bathroom at her school puking up her breakfast just because she wants to look like some model who struts on the runway. And right now, I guarantee you that there is some boy who is lacing his protein shakes with steroids to pump up his muscles just so he can look like his idol. That isn’t healthy. Far from it. In fact, what these teenagers are doing is destroying  their bodies. And they don’t realize it. Instead, all they are worried about is trying to fit into societies views of what they should look like. They do not realize that they are already handsome and beautiful. They do not need to lose the weight nor do they need to pump up the muscles. Instead what they need to do is to develop a healthy body relationship.

When I was in my freshman year of high school, I ate the food around my family and then when I was away from them, I threw it up. Why? Because I was going through the same thing that these young teenagers are going through. I wanted to look like some model and be beautiful. At the time, I didn’t realize that I was already pretty. I was just so consumed with thinking I was fat and ugly, that I didn’t realize that I had a lot more to offer. One day at school, I didn’t eat lunch and all I did was just sit in front of my locker just reading a book until a girl who was year older than me came up to me and told me that I was going to start eating right again because she didn’t want to lose me. I am grateful to her, and to this day, I am still friends with her on Facebook and I don’t know what I would do without her. I had a good support system and I was shown that I didn’t need to feel bad about my body and I definitely shouldn’t have compared my body to another persons body. Because everyone’s body is completely different from one another. I have an amazing friend who is considered to be one of my sisters and she is naturally skinny, it is in her genetics. And she is healthy as can be. In fact, she had given birth to two beautiful girls and they are healthy as well. Her body is gorgeous, but do you know what is even more gorgeous about her… her personality and her character. She is one of the most beautiful people I know on the inside and out, and she doesn’t care what others think of her body. And trust me when I say this, she has been the subject to much ridicule from others just because she is naturally skinny, and honestly what they are doing is horrible. In my personal opinion, they need to shut up, sit down and start acting like adults. But that is just my opinion after all. I have another friend who is a little bit shorter than me and she is curvy. But do you know what….she rocks those curves and she embraces them. With that body of hers she had brought into this world three beautiful boys who I call my nephews. There have been people who ridicule her body and honestly they can take those hurtful words and shove them up their a**es.

Many of you know that I am very adamant about having a healthy body image. I am all about eating right and exercising, but there is one more thing that I am extremely adamant about, and that is being happy in the body that you are in. You may be short and skinny or you might tall and curvy, it doesn’t matter, as long as you are truly content in the body that you are in that is all that matters. Yes, eating good food is great for body, yes getting the exercise that your body needs helps you stay healthy; but the most important thing that helps you throughout life is to have a happy outlook on your body, embrace the flaws that make you unique and take pride in the fact that no one on this planet has that amazing body that you already have.