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It Starts With Us: Parents Talking to Their Children to Stop Bullying

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“You’re not thin enough”, “You look weird”, “Why are you even here? You should die”, these phrases are just a few of the phrases that are being thrown around in the schoolyards, in the classrooms, and I kid you not, at work as well. And believe it or not, there are even some worse phrases that will not be mentioned in this post. Why? Because they are horrifying and should never be said to another human being, or any being for that matter.

Now, I am not a parent, well, I am a fur-mama, but I do not have any human children at the moment. However, I do have nieces and nephews, and they are the light of my world, and right now they are very young, very impressionable, and can sense when things are not right. And I know that they are the perfect target for bullying. Hell, every child, teenager, and adult is a perfect target for being bullied. I know this. I’ve lived through most of my life of being bullied. Bullied by classmates, by teachers (yes, that does happen), and even bullied by co-workers, and it is not something I would want another person to endure.

Recently, I found out that a friend of mine’s son was bullied. Bullied to the point that he was sent to the hospital with a broken nose, several broken ribs, and bruises all up and down his body. Do you know how angry this made his father feel? How his mother felt? Hell, when I heard what happened I got so mad to the point that I nearly broke a counter. Yes, I got that mad. But where does this anger get placed? On the school system? Absolutely, the school is responsible for the children while they are at school, and under their supervision. On the children themselves? Of course, they are supposed to know what is right from wrong. On ourselves? Yes, a million times yes it is, the anger should weigh heavily on us adults. Why should we be angry with ourselves? Because we are the adults here, we are supposed to show our children how to behave, how to treat one another and to show them that they are not supposed to bully and assault others. As the adults we are supposed to set an example for them, to show them that two beings can be in the same room without violating the other. We are not supposed to set a bad example to them about how to start a fight, how to mistreat a girl or a boy. We are the adults here, it is our job.

Yes, there are pep rallies every year in most schools that bring awareness to the subject at hand, but do they really make an impact? No, not really. Growing up I went to several of those rallies, and do you know what still occurred. The bullying still occurred. Don’t get me wrong, I think the rallies are great, but they do not actually do much help when it comes to telling children to stop bullying, to stop assaulting their classmates, or anyone they meet in life.

It all starts at home, with the parents. As parents, we are supposed to set examples, good examples of how to treat others, and it is the way you mistreat others, say unkind and horrible things about another person is what the children are seeing more of. I know this to be true. I know a lady who is in her early 40’s and she treats others like crap, she mistreats them, bullies them, steals their energy, and makes others feel like garbage. And time and time again her children have witnessed this, and time and time again I have to remind her that they are watching her every move, every word that she says, and they are more than likely going to mimic her as they grow up. And that is what happens. Children mimic their parents, they mimic the way we talk to each other, how we treat each other. And if they are seeing that we are mistreating each other, then they are going to assume that it is completely normal, that it is okay to bully and assault each other.

So, parents this on us. We need to be setting a good example for the children, and show them how two human beings can get along, and show them how to treat others. Have a long conversation, or two, or three. It doesn’t matter how many conversations you have with your children, the only thing that does matter is that you talk with them and that you set yourself as a good example. Because if we don’t do anything about this, then more and more boys and girls will end up in hospitals due to broken ribs, led to anorexia or bulimia, or even led to the final blow of a gun from being bullied.

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Creating Your Life

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Each and everyone one of us was born with our own life path and our own purpose on this earth; and with the Universe guiding us along the way, we have the ability to make the big choices in life from how we want to live, what career we end up in, to the food lifestyle we follow. Putting yourself in the Universe’s hands can seem a little daunting to most, but in reality, it isn’t daunting at all. In fact, it feels like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders and you get the sense that everything will be alright and not to worry about things to come.

When it comes to building a life for yourself, you don’t know where to start. You see everyone else’s life, and you are wanting their life for yourself. However, that is not how it should be. You should want to create this life the way you would want to live it, not how everyone else is living their life. Ask yourself, “Where do I want to live? What career choice do I want to pursue to help others and myself? What is it that I want most out of my life? Where do I want to see myself in 5, 10, 15 years? What kind of relationship do I want to have with myself?” Asking yourself these questions will help you get yourself off the ground and start creating that life that you want.

For so many years, those questions rang in the back of my mind; however, I decided to let them linger there for a while. And now that I am twenty five years old, I have answered all of those questions, and have begun to create the life that I have always wanted. A simplistic life, where I can focus on helping others through stress managing, nutrition, exercise, meditation, and counseling; all the while I can work from home and be my own boss. A simplistic life, where I can live the minimalistic life and practice the hygge lifestyle, and have the opportunity to travel the world. A simplistic life where not only can I help and guide others, but also be able to pursue my passions as a poet and author, baker, and gardener.

I threw my answers from my mind out to the Universe (law of attraction), and while I was pursuing my goals and not getting anywhere really, the Universe knocked on the door and presented me with the opportunities to live the life that I wanted. And that is exactly what you have to do. Ask yourself those questions above, then answer them. After you have answered those questions, throw your answers out to the Universe and let it rest in the Universe’s hands. Don’t forget about what you are wanting in your life, but also do not dread on it and think about it constantly. You will be able to have the life that you have always wanted, just don’t give up on the Universe, and don’t ever give up on yourself.

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Being Thankful Everyday

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We live in a world where pretty much everyone is basically saying “gimme-gimme” and has the attitude of thinking that they need more to fulfill their life. They seem to believe that materialistic things will bring happiness and joy into their lives, and they seem to think that bringing in more people into their lives will make them feel better. But they do not realize that materialistic things will not make them happy and having thousands of friends will not fulfill that empty spot that they feel in their lives. Even though Thanksgiving is the day where we all sit around the dinner table with our families and say what we are thankful for, we should be saying what we are thankful for everyday and not on just one holiday out of the year.

What is it that you are grateful for? In no particular order, here is what I am thankful for:

  • My family – Even though I have hard time relating to certain members of my family, I love them no matter what and I am grateful to have them in my life no matter what.
  • Being alive– I woke up this morning, grumbling and rubbing my eyes saying that I hate mornings. Even though I am not a morning person whatsoever, I am happy and lucky to be alive. There are people around the world who don’t get to wake up at all, and they have been summoned to the afterlife.
  • Opportunities – I’ve been lucky to have been given so many opportunities to chase my dreams and passions, and honestly not many people can say that they have those chances.
  • Job– In this day and age, it can be daunting to find a job and having to wait for weeks to hear back to see if you have received the job or not. Having the ability to have a job and to be able to put food in my stomach, roof over my head, and gas in my car is more than I could ever ask for.
  • Friendships– My friends are the most amazing people I’ve ever come across. In fact, I have a close group of friends who I have been best friends with for nearly twenty years, and that says a lot. Because a lot of friendships tend to break away.
  • Dreams turning into Reality– Many of my dreams have made it across the threshold into reality and it is like I am living in a fantasy world. I am truly thankful for the Universe bringing my dreams come true.
  • Mother Nature– Mother Nature is truly a remarkable sight, she has given me a home, has given me nourishment and has given me love and devotion. For that, I will always be thankful for her.
  • My Health/Body– Look, no one is completely happy with their body. I have my moments just like everyone else. My thighs are big and so is my butt, but you know what, I am thankful for them. They are strong, and they are powerful. They give me the ability to do a lot of things. I may have a little bit of a stomach but I have a very strong core and have the ability to plank up to three minutes straight. Regardless of the flaws that I have, I am thankful to be healthy and alive. That’s all that matters.

You see, there are things that we can be grateful for and thankful for everyday. It is just a matter of actually saying it out loud or in a journal and read it later. Everyday I want you to say at least five to ten different things that you are grateful/thankful for, you will be surprised.

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Letter to My Future Children

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Dear future children,

You are not born, you are not even conceived yet; instead you are just glimmer in my eye and a thought in my mind and I have not met your dad yet. If one day I am blessed to have you, there are a few things I would like to say to you.
If one day you are a boy and you wish to play with dolls and trucks, that is fine by me, in fact count me in. There is nothing wrong with that. If one day you are a girl and wish to do the same thing, I will play tea parties with you and your transformers. When you have become a teen and you have started to figure out who you are attracted to and have a hard time telling me that you are gay or lesbian, I promise you that you can tell me this and I will love you no matter what. My lesson to you is love is love; it doesn’t matter if you are straight or gay, if you love someone with all of your heart then that is all that matters. This world is cruel, there will be others who will judge you, who will try to degrade you, who will harm you in anyway possible; just remember that you will have your dad and I by your side and will love you unconditionally. The only thing that matters in finding a partner besides being in love is compatibility, respect, passion, and finding someone who will push you to grow and become the amazing person you are meant to be.

Respect is a big thing that you will learn as you grow up. You will learn to respect us, your parents. You will learn to respect other family members and friends, you will learn to respect strangers. Most importantly, you will learn to respect yourself. Never judge another human being for their opinion, never judge another human being for what they believe in, and never judge a person for who they love. It is not your place to judge someone.

Life is about finding yourself and finding your personal legend. And I guarantee you that it will get rough and you might feel like you are lost, but you will always have friends and family there to help guide you. And remember you can always ask for guidance to whoever you may choose to worship whether it be God, nature, a Greek God or Goddess, Buddha , or if you follow the druid path of your ancestors. At all times there will be someone to help guide you.

Just remember that you will have the love and support of your parents, friends and other relatives who will always be by your side.

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Follow Your Own Paths

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Each soul that resides in a body has two paths that are meant for them. These two paths are designated for them and only for them. If another person where to try to take over that path that doesn’t belong to them, then things will go horribly awry. Things will spin out of control and it will throw everything off balance.

When something is thrown off balance, then the soul that resides in the person can end in turmoil. Which is extremely bad. I shouldn’t have to dive further in to describe what may happen to a specific individual. This is due to the fact that each person, each soul, is completely different.

At the beginning of this post, I mentioned that each person has two paths. These paths are created for the person’s soul to follow. For example; for me, my current path is to focus on my poetry and writing a romance novel, while creating a healthier and safer environment for future generations. But as of right now, I could honestly tell you that I don’t know what my next path may be.

If your soul feels like it is trying to tug you away from a path that you are trying to pursue, then that path is obviously not meant for you. That means you need to stop what you are doing and try not to attempt to go down that path that is not designated for you.
But if your soul is pushing you further down the path, then that path is definitely designated for you.
Listen to your heart. Listen to your mind. Listen to your soul. Never stray from your paths. And never try to take over another person’s path.

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Time To Heal

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      We live in a day and age where everyone lives a stressful life. Where everyone is constantly downing medicine pills that were given by their providers. Where everyone is trying to keep up with the demands of the 9 to 5 world. Yet, no one realizes that these things are slowly destroying them. Making them weaker. Making them easier prey to becoming extremely ill.

     In order to make sure that you do not fall ill and lose all control, you need to heal yourself. You need to take moments for yourself. If you don’t, then things will go wrong. There are plenty of ways to heal yourself:

1. Holistic healing.
This is a better alternative to heal yourself and to reconnect yourself with your soul. I recommend this to everyone. I actually use this method during my counseling sessions. *If you want holistic counseling sessions with me, feel free to contact me.

2. Yoga/ Pilates
In a sense, these two are just like holistic healings. They will reconnect you back to your soul and body. They will clear your mind and heal you.

3. Meditate
I cannot stress enough, meditation is extremely important. You can clear your mind. Clear out all of the negative energies in your mind and body and make way for the positives in your life.

4. Go Back To Nature.
Now, not everyone is an outdoorsy person. And that’s perfectly fine. But just even thirty minutes out in the garden or closest forest or ocean, and you will feel a million times better.

5. Enjoy your easy passions.
For me, it would be swimming or scuba diving, reading, writing, enjoying the smells of the forest and clear skies. Do not do anything too intense, otherwise everything will be out of balance.

   You have to learn how to heal yourself. You have to do this in order to be serene, in order to be sane. As a holistic counselor, I use the creative world of my imagination and even yours with the holistic world to create a unique way to heal everyone. As I said earlier, if you want counseling sessions, let me know.

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Being Yourself

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      It’s very easy to cave and try to fit in, in order to be liked. In order to be loved. In order to finally be accepted. But in reality, it’s not a wise choice.
      I struggled as a child. I wanted to fit in and feel like I belonged. But once in high school, I realized that it was going to drive me mad if I continued to try to fit in. I knew that I was not like most people my age, and to a point it had frighten me. But bit by bit, I began to realize that I needed to be myself. Be true to who I was. Growing up in a very religious household, it’s hard. But we had a discussion and decided that it was okay for me to be spiritual and study the mystical world of Judaism and also my druid heritage, while my family continued to practice Christianity. My parents have always told me that I was not normal and they still loved me, but I knew that they were worried that I would have a hard time in the real world. They were right. I do have a hard time. Hard time being accepted for my way of thinking. Hard time being accepted for wanting a utopian society where war would be the last resort. But I have learned to cope with all of this and still be myself.

      Take my advice. Don’t be afraid to be yourself. Don’t be afraid to stand out in the crowd. Don’t be afraid to challenge your way of thinking and of others. Yes, it can be frightening to stand outside the box. But it makes you more valuable.