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The Friend That Doesn’t Go Away: Dealing With Depression

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For years I fought it, I tried so hard, yet I had lost numerous times, more than I count actually. But then, I began to become friends with it, became friends with her. Well, we are more than an acquaintance but less than friends, so we are somewhere in the middle when it comes to our unhealthy relationship. Who is this friend, you ask, her name is Depression.

Depression has been with me since I can remember, she was first introduced to my mind at the age of 10 years old when I was constantly being bullied by classmates and feeling like a tiny little microorganism under a microscope that didn’t matter to the rest of the world. She was basically my monster, at least at that time she was a monster to me.

As I got older, she stuck around and somehow maneuvered herself into the position as an acquaintance. And we began a turmoil of a relationship that I would never want to put on my worst enemy (don’t have any enemies, but you see my point) through the gut-wrenching relationship I had gone through with my depression. And at times it was extremely bad that I found myself on the other end of things, and it was not pretty. I can honestly that I feel sorry for my mom, for my therapist, and for the friends who witnessed the scars and the aftermath of the crap I had done; but I am truly grateful that they were there for everything that I was enduring.

Although most of my life, depression was that monster that hid in my mind and tied me to my bed most mornings, made me scared and anxious to go to school the next day, or to even speak to another person; somehow, I had managed to become friends with the monster in my head. And to be honest, it was a scary thing to commit to, but I knew that I wanted to be friends with her instead of having her as an enemy. Trust me it was the right thing to do.

Coming to the conclusion of being friends with depression, it is still a rather awkward situation. Why? Because she is not like most people’s depression. She doesn’t come in episodes, she is actually there every day, every moment of every day. Some days she is heightened, other days she just chills out in the back of my mind making paper mache masks for some masquerade ball that she will never attend due to my social anxiety keeping her company. Nevertheless, she is there. And as I write this post, she is more heightened this time, and all I can think of doing is just lay in bed with Sherlock on Netflix, drowning out my horrid thoughts until she decides to calm down once more.  And that is perfectly fine because I know that my depression is trying to cope with certain things, trying to compartmentalize every aspect of my mind and the scene around me.

Having a friend like depression there with me every day of my life is something that I feel like would never have happened if I hadn’t gotten the help I needed with a therapist and having the support from family and friends, but I am glad to have my friend, depression, there with me, because she has brought so many creative poems, stories, and songs, even if she didn’t mean to bring any harm.

**If you are dealing with depression, or know anyone who is dealing with depression, please see a therapist, or call the national suicide hotline: 1.800.273.8255

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Before The Sun Rises(Poem)

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It doesn’t matter how bright the moon shines,
you still linger,
linger in my memories,
desperately trying to drown me.

My only sorrow is that I have yet to
make a friend out of you,
and I don’t know what to do,
I need to know how to make amends
with the monsters in my head,
before the sun rises for another day.

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Leap (Poem)

It is always nothing
yet it is everything,
the stillness in the sadness leaps forward
trying to capture me as I fall slowly
as everybody becomes blurry
and I become nothing but a distant memory.

The area is completely clear
showcasing the distant stars to the right
and jagged rocks to the left,
making me wonder which side I’ll jump,
which side will welcome my presence.

Never know until I take the leap,
Never know until I move my feet,
here it goes,
here I go into the unknown.

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Paint me in Orange: Art Therapy

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Many of you know that Mental Health Awareness Month is not until October, however, we shouldn’t be discussing it only during one month. It should be a topic that should be discussed frequently, and not just only during a designated month. Mental Health is one of the few topics that most people do not want to discuss, due to the fact that they are afraid of the topic, afraid of the reality of illnesses that plague nearly 43 Million Americans alone.

When it comes to mental health, the most common treatment is either prescription or seeing a therapist. Personally, I go to see a therapist once a week to help with my own health problems, and it is nice to have a conversation with an outsider (3rd party) that is a professional and that could help me cope with things. Besides seeing a therapist, I participate in what is called, “Art Therapy”. I’ve been doing art therapy for years now, with my poems and novels to my paintings, and it is truly a great therapeutic approach to helping oneself.

Art therapy comes in so many different ways: painting, writing, drawing, knitting, sewing, playing instruments, singing. Just about anything in the art community can be turned into a therapy session for someone. Art therapy is usually overlooked by most people, because they seem to call it hogwash, which it isn’t. It is highly effective, especially for those who wish to put their thoughts and emotions onto something that is pure white with no speck of any word or color splashed on it. Art therapy gives the person a chance to show their inner self, the emotions and thoughts that they currently having, and put them onto a canvas or on paper. Having this ability to throw your emotions and thoughts onto paper can help relieve you from the weight that has been placed on you, giving you a chance to breathe, and letting you be able to, in that moment, feel stress free.

If you ever feel that you are overwhelmed by the emotions and thoughts that have been plaguing you, grab a paintbrush, a pen, or knitting needles; because you can help get rid of those unwanted thoughts while concentrating on something that you enjoy.